Overcoming Fear of Rejection

Facing fears of rejection

I believe the best way to overcoming fear of rejection is knowing all of us at some stage have had a fear of rejection.

This is the first thing I believe in overcoming fear of rejection. That is knowing we are all so human that all of us feel vulnerable at times.

We keep going back, stronger, not weaker, because we will not allow rejection to beat us down. It will only strengthen our resolve. To be successful there is no other way. - Earl G. Graves

So let me ask you a question - if your purpose in Flirting is to make someone else feel good, can you be rejected? At the very worse, you may have not succeeded, but you cannot feel rejected if that is your purpose?

My strongest belief is no-one has the power to decide if we are rejected, only we can make that decision.

The second aspect is there are a lot of people who have acquired defense mechanisms, their own way to avoid feeling rejected or feeling hurt.

Defense Mechanisms

If someone chooses to avoid us, to ignore us or even be rude to us, chances are they exhibit the same behaviour to others. If that is the case, how can we feel rejected?

Dear to us are those who love us. . . but dearer are those who reject us as unworthy, for they add another life; they build a heaven before us whereof we had not dreamed, and thereby supply to us new powers out of the recesses of the spirit. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

But what if I really really like that sexy guy or girl? I hear you ask.

This brings us to the third aspect. Sometimes we just cannot control how others will react or make decisions about us.

Deciding not to be rejected

If you do feel rejected by a decision made by another person, promise me one thing.

Promise me you will focus on controlling how you feel and not focus on the other person.

I feel it is only ourselves who choose to feel rejected rather than others rejecting us. I have no doubt you have not felt rejected when someone looked past you or ignored you in the past. Its just you did not care as much. The emotional intensity was just not there.

One of the big factors is the emotional intensity involved. Now we have to lower that emotional intensity. So how do we do that?

We can start by listing the reasons we are a good friend, a good lover, a good mum or dad, or daughter or son.

If you are rejected by someone, who are they to make a decision on your behalf?, it is only you who makes the decision on being rejected.

The following I believe is a very good article on rejection by Tony Robbins my favourite coach in the world. I think it's very worthwhile.

Overcoming fear of rejection summary

To summarise, overcoming fear of rejection is as follows:

1. All of us have had fear of rejection

2. People's defense mechanism to avoid rejection can be to reject us first.

3. Focus on you making the decision not to be rejected. After all it's not their decision.

Hope this helps

Flirting tips for shy girls

One of the best flirting tips for shy girls is to understand you are not the only one.

Let me ask you a question. If you were at a party feeling shy and maybe a little awkward, would you want someone to approach you to feel comfortable?

Do you think other people that read this would answer yes as well?

Point is they would like to be talking with someone like you, so you are not the only one. In fact every person feels like that at some point in time.

So firstly, you are not the only one.

Secondly don't apologise for who you are. What I mean by this is don't feel like you don't deserve to mix company with anyone, period.

A part of flirting women is about feeling good about yourself

The following are some 'quick reference' flirting tips for shy girls.

Feel good about yourself - Don't feel as though you need to satisfy rules in your mind to feel good e.g if I can do this or hang out with such and such THEN I will be happy. Start to feel good now for how special you are.

Guys are attracted to shy girls - Guys find shy girls very attractive. That you can take my word for. Be confident you have an advantage.

Practice eye contact - Shy girls I have coached definitely benefit and get results when they start making eye contact.

Smile at guys - Start to test yourself to get 5 smiles back from guys each day. Does not matter which guys, it can be a waiter, teacher or friend.

No-one is always shy - I believe we are all confident when we feel comfortable enough. It can be with friends or family or playing your favourite computer game.

Don't give yourself the identity you are shy. We are all different in different circumstances, sometimes maybe shy, sometimes maybe a little crazy.

If you focus on when you are most confident, rather than thinking shy, you will be more likely to act that way.

Of course it will become so much easier each time you make eye contact and smile at guys.

Stick with it, even if it feels uncomfortable at first, and good luck!

How to Know a Guy Is Flirting

• Watch for eye contact. Normally, this starts out from across a room or a park or wherever you two may happen to be. If he holds your attention for more than a brief, accidental moment, it’s a fair guess that he’s flirting. The telltale sign is if the eye contact is followed by a smile

• Listen for him to pay you compliments. If he compliments your shoes or your hair, that’s a good sign that he's flirting. Those aren’t normal topics that men compliment others on, and this is a signal that he is paying closer attention to you than he does most other people.

• See if his attention is focused on you. If he ignores everyone else in the room just for your attention, that’s a sign he is knee-deep in flirting. If his head is on a swivel looking for his friends or checking out other people, chances are he isn’t flirting.

• Notice small touches as a sign. If he briefly puts his hand on yours when you tell a funny story or puts a hand on your shoulder when he asks if you want another drink, he is probably flirting with you.

• Think about whether he is paying extra attention to you specifically. If he’s asking personal questions and wanting more information about you, he is probably seeking a deeper connection and subsequently flirting.